A Little Lesson From My Life…

Me In Hospital

So I came across this photograph of me a few hours after surgery, high on the paradoxical effects of a combination of morphine, oxygen and anesthetic, and it got me thinking about several things.

1) The peculiarities of Human Nature

2) he amazing endurance of the human body and

3) The peculiarities of Human Nature

As you can probably tell most of my thinking resounded around points 1 and 3.

Whenever I see this photo of myself post surgery it always brings a smile to my face, and the distinct and unrecognizable feeling of embaressment. The onset of which brings uncomfortable, ground-swallow-me-whole-laughter, hot sweats and prolonged achey smiles, this kind that distort your entire ability to smile and look happy when maintained for too long.

This round the houses introduction brings me to my main story…Love and gratitude .

I am not too sure how common an occurrence this is but I remember in vivid detail everything from the moment I awoke from surgery. The important things though are the first 3 things I said and did.

1) I said ” mommy, I want my mom” <<<<LOVE>>>>

followed by

2) “Tell Miss …(insert Doctor’s name here which we cannot put for legal reasons) I said thank you”<<<GRATITUDE>>>

3) “I want Blu”  <<<<LOVE>>>>

The nurse who was with me told me ” there will be plenty of time for saying thank you later, right now I need to know if you’re in any pain” . To which I groaned and mumbled and tried to utter the words yes, extreme. Which was followed by a doctor administering a very strong dose of some unknown pain killer which I can only assume was morphine and me falling into a wonderfully deep sleep…

The point of my extended tale is that even in the moments when we are at our lowest ebb, Love can prevail. Love was the last thing I remember thinking about before I fell into my chemically induced sleep and love was the first thing I recognised when I woke up. It has been this love that has helped me through my entire experience so far, From the wonderful messages that people send me and the inspiring conversations I have had with women of all ages, strangers, friends, random people in the street, even some men! …every tiny piece of love that I receive I cherish. My mother and my partner at the time were the last thoughts I had before everything went black and, other than my untimely remembrance of manners, were the first thoughts I had when I woke up. It taught me that those I love and cherish the most are always at the forefront of my mind and are always the people I will put first, even before my own welfare.

I’m sure there are some skeptics among you who will be humbugging that surely the first thing on my mind was “Thank God I’m alive”… and I shall not deny that this thought did come to me but it was not the first thing I thought. I was happy to be alive but most of all I was happy to be able to see the people I loved most again.

Love is such a powerful emotion and it’s not until you are at your weakest that you even realise how important and life changing it can be. It is this realisation that brings in gratitude, often a secondary emotion but equally important. Gratitude is an essential life partner to love it brings with it true appreciation of the people and the memories that matter to you the most and it reminds you of all the reasons to carry on trying when you feel like giving up.

So in 2012 I will love 200% instead of 100% and will appreciate and be thankful for each day, each message, each memory and each individual that touches my life and my heart…

Love you all

Saschan

xxx